she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
