he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
