Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
