I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
