I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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