and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
