someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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