I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
