Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
