so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
