My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
