I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize