I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am puke
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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