eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
