Four minutes until I can fart!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I need to calm my uterus...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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