My friends, they love my intelligence
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
