I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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