they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
