btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think I sprained my soul last night
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
