took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
