Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
