no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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