I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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