If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
