This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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