pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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