so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize