Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
