I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
