I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
