haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
