He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
