not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sorry about my life...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
