She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
