Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
