Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You just made me feel so damn special
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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