Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
