I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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