I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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