i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
