She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
