I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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