I have demons in me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
