Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
