hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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