gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
