I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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