we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
