The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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