Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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