awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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