all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
