you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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