I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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