He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize