Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
