just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
