I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
