Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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