Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
