Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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