I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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