the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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