woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
