Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
