My balls are so social today.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
