I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
These tits shall not be calmed
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