If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
