Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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