her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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