It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
