It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize