And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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