Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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