Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
